I have heard that we are the sum of the 5 people we spend the most time with.
Quick Peek into the point I am about to make.
We will establish friendships that will amazingly last a lifetime, however, we will also establish friendships that will serve a purpose for a very specific amount of time. Recognizing the end point can sometimes be difficult because we want to be supportive and provide as much encouragement as possible.
If you start to identifying that this “friend” is undeniably occupying your valuable time with negativity, “all the things wrong” in his/her life and much of the “same ol’ story,” you WILL have to ask yourself, “Do I need to divorce this friend?”
I’m gonna go Sophia Petrillo on you for a minute (that was a Golden Girls reference. If you don’t know who the Golden Girls are, unsubscribe now. J Just kidding)
Back on track…
Picture it: Long Island, New York, my high school days circa 91-95. My best friend and I are just killin’ it together! Fun, laughter, sneaking out late night, going to parties when my parents thought I was at the movies. (I swear I was a good kid.)
Then things started to get a little serious with me. With a full scholarship to college for discus throwing, my commitments shifted & intensified. More training sessions, more expectations, a little less partying, not so many quick yes’s to invitations out.
Fast forward just a little more, now a full time Assistant Track & Field coach at St. John’s University and training for the Olympic Trials. My commitments intensified yet again, and this time I was in a coaching role, not just the college kid. Now I was being looked up to.
The partying, the room for irresponsibility and yes’s to the party atmosphere were at an all-time low.
*SIDE NOTE – my priorities were changing. I was evolving. I wanted to commit myself to other things that brought me growth. I was making these choices.
Along this journey, I was accused of “always having to train or workout or something,” was lied to more than once & spent hours on phone calls empathizing & offering guidance, only to find myself having the same conversation soon enough. I started to keep the good things happening in my life to myself instead of sharing them, so not to make her hate me for doing well (cuz that’s what it sure felt like.)
I was trying to hold on to anything that was left of our once perfect friendship, but I knew. I knew, our lives were changing drastically.
Another leap in time – I owned a home, had a fiancé, a little baby, a job (another huge shift in commitments). We connected over the phone and at that moment, I knew “our time” had ended. I had known for a while – truthfully, but this time it was as if it was being branded on my hide. IT WAS BLAZINGLY obvious.
Our energies parted. The symbiosis had expired.
I took a day or 2, contacted her, thanked her graciously for many brilliant and vivid memories and finished with the request to no longer continue our friendship. Until this day, I will always love my best friend and would only want peace, love, light and happiness to fill her heart and days.
Unfortunately, however, neither one of us was benefitting the other because of the drastic difference in our perception and new experiences.
I want to share with you that this is O FUKN K.
It is O FUKN K to put distance between you and anyone you choose to.
It is O FUKN K to let go of friendships and/or relationships that aren’t encouraging your growth or evolution or BRINGING YOU JOY.
It’s O FUKN K to disengage from limited, negative thinkers who may stifle you.
Even worse, this stale, growth inhibiting relationship may be barring you from receiving more loving, supportive, stimulating, friendships that the universe has waiting for you.
When do you know it’s time to move on? When is it time to divorce your “friend?”
Look for these repetitive cues.
-Excuses. They always have excuses.
-Discrediting or minimizing your efforts or shared experiences.
-Negative Attitude (something is ALWAYS wrong with SOMETHING)
-Gossiping about others. (because then your KNOW, they are gossiping about you.)
-“ME” centric. Enough about ME, let’s talk about ME now.
-Deterring you from following your heart/goals (really? You’re gonna do that? What if…)
There are many other cues, but this will give you a good start.
And Then What?
You have recognized you need distance. What’s next?
Honesty. Be Honest. Lovingly, tell your friend that you need to disconnect and for the exact reasons. If you are on a journey of growth, this will be very much part of it. Your honesty with your friend, with yourself and with the situation will be a part of your evolution. Consider honesty an absolute.
As of this moment, make a deliberate effort to surround yourself with people who uplift your spirit. Make conscious decisions to keep folks around you that drive you towards your aspirations and support your efforts. Even in a short time, you will begin to see positive shifts in your energy and you will start to attract others who share your determination in striving for growth and enlightenment.
With Gratitude, Strength and Light,